


Drive Until You Lose the Road

by lls_mutant



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: AU, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-18
Updated: 2010-05-18
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:31:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lls_mutant/pseuds/lls_mutant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the prompt: <i>In Sometimes A Great Notion, instead of Dee it's Felix. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Drive Until You Lose the Road

_It's going to be okay._ Helo kept reminding himself of that as he made his way through the chaotic corridors of _Galactica_. _It's going to be okay._ He averted his eyes from a pair practically having sex against the wall, and a few steps later sidestepped a brawl. He knew he should break both of them up, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Getting to the CIC was hard enough, and he was already late for duty.

He was walking past the officer's racks when he was hit with a small, feminine projectile, nearly knocking him off his feet. Helo reached out one hand to steady himself against the wall, and the other to steady-

"Dee?"

"Frak! It's insane around here!" Dee looked tired and worn, even as she buttoned her duty blues up neatly. She looked up at Helo. "Thanks. Hey, sorry I couldn't sit for you earlier-"

"It's okay," Helo waved his hand dismissively. "Sharon asked Felix, and I think he enjoyed it."

"He was smiling just now," Dee said. "Of course, I think Hoshi might have-"

A sharp, loud sound echoed, and Helo and Dee stared at each other.

"That didn't sound like-"

"It couldn't be." But both of them sprinted back towards the racks. Helo got there first, and grabbed Dee before she could get past him. "Don't look," he ordered her, his own voice breaking. "For God's sake, Dee. Don't look."

***

Louis knew he'd never forget the look on Helo's face when he came into the CIC to tell him that Felix was dead. For a moment, he thought that a sleeper Cylon had been discovered, or something was wrong with Hera. But then Helo came straight for him, and somehow, Louis _knew_. He was out of his seat before Helo even arrived.

They walked down the corridors together, silent. Adama had called after Louis- he was vaguely aware of that- but Helo must have said something. Not that it mattered. Even if the Cylons attacked right now, nothing would matter more.

He thought that Helo would take him to the racks, but he led Louis to the morgue instead. Helo stopped on the thresh hold, where Dee was waiting. Her eyes were red, and that, more than anything, drove home that this was real. "Do you want me to come in with you?" Helo asked.

Louis shook his head. "Not now. Thank you." His mouth was dry and his hands were shaking, but he couldn't not do this. Helo nodded and stepped back, and put an arm around Dee's shoulder, but Louis stepped into the morgue alone.

Felix was lying under a sheet on the table. One of the few things that Helo had said was that Louis didn't want to raise that sheet, but Louis couldn't stop himself. He lifted the sheet, and then had to turn away before he vomited on Felix's corpse. It was only a second, but that second would be etched in his mind for the rest of his life.

He finished vomiting into a bin, and then wiped his mouth on his sleeve. He turned back, looking at the body under the sheet again and not wanting to go anywhere near it. And yet… if he didn't… he'd regret it forever.

He slipped his hand under the sheet, fumbling for Felix's fingers. They were cold, and they didn't feel like flesh and bone- they felt more like plastic. He laced his fingers through Felix's, and then bent over, his brow near Felix's chest.

His back was aching when the morgue hatch opened.

Louis looked up, and saw Adama teetering on the thresh hold. He felt a flat dislike at the sight of the Admiral, increased as the scent of alcohol reached his nose.

"I need a moment," Adama informed Louis.

"Sir, I…" Louis began. Adama didn't say anything, but the expression on his face hardened into something resembling authority, and Louis realized that he'd been in her a while anyway. "Yes, sir," he said, sliding off the stool. He slipped out of the room, leaving Felix behind.

***

Bill looked down at the sheet. It blurred in his vision, and he was glad, because he didn't think he could do this if he was sober. He flicked the sheet back, saw the damage, and put the sheet back in place. "Frak."

The sheet hadn't fallen back quite right, and Bill stared at the lock of dark hair that was exposed. It was longer and wildly curly. From a detached distance, Bill realized that he still pictured Gaeta with the military haircut, crisp duty blues and yes, two legs. That lock of hair taunted him, and he closed his eyes.

The door opened. Probably frakking Hoshi again, going way too overboard over a co-worker's death. Bill opened his mouth to chew the man out, but shut it again when he saw Lee hovering. "What do you want?"

"Tigh said you were in here," Lee answered quietly.

"Whatever the problem is, figure it out yourselves," Bill snapped back. "I'm grieving."

"Dad-"

"Lee. One of my best officers who has served under me for seven years just committed suicide. Go away."

Lee didn't leave. "That's not my point. Dad, this wasn't your fault."

"Fault." Bill snorted. "He put the gun to his head."

"Exactly." But Lee's face was dark, and he looked like he wanted to say something more. "Dad, Kara told me a few things that you really need to hear. Soon."

Bill nodded, and took another drink from his flask. "I'll be there in ten. If I'm right, Hoshi's still luring outside the door anyway."

Lee's face softened a little. "Of course he is, Dad. Dee told me that they were getting really serious." Bill still stared at him blankly, and Lee sighed. "They were together. _Together_ together."

It dawned on him, and Bill looked back down at the body under the sheet, not wanting to remember what he'd thought about Hoshi in the privacy of his mind. "Go," he said, even more disturbed about Lee's revelation than the fact the man in front of him was dead. "Wait for me in my quarters. I'll be there."

"All right." Lee ducked out.

Gaeta and Hoshi. Bill thought he might have had plenty of excuses for not knowing about it before; he couldn't fault either of them in their professionalism. But now that he thought about it, he remembered how distracted Hoshi had been ever since the _Demetrius_ returned, the way he always looked like he'd been crying, and the way the medicinal smell of the infirmary hung around him. Bill had thought… no, he _hadn't_ thought, and even if all of that hadn't clued him in, the image of a man bent over a shroud gripping cold fingers should have been a blazing beacon.

What else was he not seeing?

A little voice whispered, deep inside his head, but the words were felt rather than heard. Bill unscrewed the flask and took another deep drink, and then stumbled towards the door. As he did, the glint of Gaeta's prosthetic, leaning against the wall with his crutches, caught his eye. He looked away.

Hoshi was still standing outside the door, flanked by Dee and Helo. Bill was aware that _something_ was required of him, some words of comfort and sympathy. But he didn't have them; he was empty. He nodded at the three of them, and then moved on and away.

_Frak Earth_. He saw the words in front of him, sprayed on the wall. Well, he'd do it one better. Frak _everything._

***

Dee watched the Admiral go, and the anger that had swelled in her came to a boil. She pressed her lips together, turning back to Hoshi and Helo. Helo looked confused; Louis looked defeated.

Dee wasn't either. Dee was pissed as hell.

She was angry. Angry at the Admiral and the President, for lying about Earth. Angry at them both for falling apart. Angry at Felix, for doing this, for leaving them all alone. Angry at Helo, for trying to protect her when she didn't need protecting, instead of protecting Felix when he had needed it.

"I'm going back in," Louis muttered, and the lost note in his voice was the match to Dee's tinder and gasoline.

"No you're not."

"Dee-" Helo began, but Hoshi rose up to it.

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"How could you not have seen this coming?" Dee asked. "Either of you? You've been around him constantly, and _you_," she turned on Helo, "he _told_ you. What did you think he meant when he asked you not to let Cottle take his leg?"

"He meant for me to get him back to the _Galactica_," Helo said crossly. "I would have done it if I could, Dee. I made a decision."

"And did you ever say anything to him about it? Did you ever apologize?" Dee was fuming. Helo glared at her, but she just glared back. When he didn't say anything, she pushed him in the chest. "Did you?"

Helo caught her by the upper arms. "Dee, enough."

"It's not enough!" Dee said, and her voice caught in her throat. "It's not ever going to be enough! Felix is _dead_ and he's not coming back and neither of you did a damn thing to stop it!"

"Well, neither did you!" Louis flared. "You're supposed to be his best friend, and where were you when he was blowing his brains out?"

"Why, you-" Dee flew at him, ready to attack.

"Both of you, stop it!" Helo's voice echoed through the corridor. He grabbed Dee by the waist and pulled her away from Louis, who had backed up against the wall. Dee struggled against him, but Helo was too strong. Louis, on the other hand, seemed like the fight had drained from him as swiftly as it had come, and he slid down the wall, sitting with his knees against his chest, his forehead resting on his folded hands. Helo loosened his grip just a little and Dee spun to attack him, landing a good punch on his jaw.

She didn't know how he did it, but somehow Helo ended up restraining her, her arms pinned to her side as he held her close. Dee struggled, but eventually her struggles turned to tears, and Helo's restraint turned to an embrace. She stood for a long time, her arms around his waist, crying into his jacket, mourning the loss of her friend.

Eventually, as the storm started to slow, Helo managed to fish a rag out of somewhere and handed it to Dee to blow her nose. He produced another one from a crate or a pocket or something and handed it to Louis, who was still on the floor. Then he hunkered down next to him.

"It's going to be all right," Helo said, his voice low. "We'll make the Admiral see it, and we'll get through this, all right?"

"He's not seeing anything," Dee said dully, and then blew her nose loudly.

"He's not," Helo said, cautiously, "and he needs some sort of wake-up call. We- me and Athena- we've been talking about it, and we've got a plan…."


End file.
